Singleness - God’s not enough, He never has been!

I want to address one of the common untruths I hear/read about singleness. You are not faulty or weak because you feel lonely or crave companionship. It is literally how you were created. Yes I mean that ‘pre fall’ when the world was still how God had created it. Really, think about that, when it was all gravy between man and God when Adam walked and talked with God in relationship as God had intended STILL he needed a human.

Genesis 2:18 "The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

I think many single people feel pressure that God should be there ‘all sufficiency’ etc. These pearls of wisdom often come from those nicely coupled up advising single christians. I am sure I have been guilty of it myself 🙈.

One of the worst culprits I think for trying to convince single people that they shouldn't feel the need for companionship are other single people. My experience is that these are usually people desperately trying to convince themselves that they don’t need a man/woman to be happy by convincing others! Also GIRLS!!! Yes you lot. I think you are worse, don’t shoot me I could be wrong haha!🤭 However, I think there seems to be push from single Christian girls to other single girls to 'self love'. This can certainly be healthy, however, it can also get really wierd. I have seen plenty of 'Jesus is my boyfriend' type posts which make my stomach turn. I am writing a post on this so make sure you sign up as I am sure it will stir things up!

The problem with all the advice about seeking God and not a partner or companionship is that it's NOT what’s in scripture. Jesus is not a replacement for human interaction, He is certainly not a replacement for romantic connection.

If you are like me you may often feel a bit embarrassed asking people to hangout. This is something I have had to overcome and so a few months back I just started asking people to go for a walk, coffee, have a cigar😂 to talk life, faith, politics, cars, whatever! When I am traveling somewhere then I will think about who I know and drop them a message, even if we are not that close.

So if you feel guilty or deficient in feeling a deep desire and even need for relationship & connection with other people it is ok. You are just as you were created.

Companionship

Companionship we can have that are neither romantic now erotic. When you are single friends are so important. I really recommend you talk openly about the challenges of being single and you will find every single person feels the same. I have found that the sense of loneliness varies depending upon stage of life. In our adolescence up to about 20 we ordinarily have many friends and social constructs where friendships are fostered easily such as school and university. As we get older friends get married, friends move away and we are no longer in constructs which naturally foster friendship and so our friendship group reduces. As we move through our 20s we feel that need for a companionship sometimes revealed. One thing I have noticed from my own experience and that of a number of friends is often people who separate or divorce feel this very sharply they are older, have reduced friendship groups and the dynamics of separation naturally leads to a reduction in friends that are retained. If you have recently become single then it is common that you will feel this need for friendship strongly. Share your feelings and needs with the friends that you do have.

Romantic / Erotic relationships

Ultimately we see the greatest relationship found in marriage which brings connection in the broadest & most intimate ways. God's ultimate solution was to bring about marital union. Girls you need a man! Guys you need a girl! That is ok! You are not weak, you don't need fixing, however, you do need to ensure that you are careful about who you choose a spouse and how you life faithfully to God while single.

So if you’re single & feel lonely sometimes:

1 - You are not faulty or weak

2 - Its NOT a problem in ur relationship with God

3 - You are functioning as designed

4 - I am always up for hanging - msg me

5 - Don’t be embarrassed to ask people

6 - Make time for others single folk

Reading this when you're not single?

Firstly, thanks! It is great when non-single people ensure the they understand the feelings and challenges of those that they care about. The main thing is to check in on the single folk you know & try & involve them in stuff. Often we single people feel a burden or that events and things are only for couples. So you sometimes need to make sure we know we are invited.

Big love❤️

Caveats - yes there are defo times to be single & pursue Jesus. E.g after a long relationship. Yes there are those who can be single happily for life. These are people gifted with celibacy, 1 Cor7:7. However, like all gifts it’s given.

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